[NSFW] Supreme Court Confirms: Death Penalty is "Badass"

Huge badass thanks go out to Matt for passing this along.

'The Office' Ends As Documentary Crew Gets All The Footage It Needs

Also from the Onion:

SCRANTON, PA—After nearly six years on the air, NBC's hit show The Office ended abruptly Thursday when documentary filmmaker Ian Sheffield announced that he and his crew had all the footage of the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company's Scranton branch required for their project. "In retrospect, we really over-shot this thing by an enormous margin," said Sheffield, adding that he likely had more than enough good material after filming a British workplace from 2001 to 2003. "We would have finished much earlier if one employee or another didn't insist on being interviewed every three minutes. And I have no idea why we were invited to Jim and Pam's wedding. All of that stuff is totally unusable." Sheffield said that the footage will be drastically cut down and used primarily as B-roll for the planned 90-minute educational film about paper manufacture and production.

Hilarious Correction

From the Onion:

The UPC code sequence on last week's print issue read thin black line, thin white line, thin black line, thick white line, thick black line, thin white line, even thicker black line, thin white line, thick black line, thin white line. There should have been two thick black lines at the end. The Onion apologizes to everyone who was charged for broccoli.

This is why I love the Onion. It was a really smart joke like this back in 1999 that got me started reading the Onion. One the back page of their print edition was a grocery store ad with the headline: "Attention: Target Demographic!"

I still laugh about that headline.