I Told You So, Miley.

Following Miley Cyrus's er... performance last night at the VMAs, I just have to take this opportunity to say... I'm so glad I went with my gut years ago and banned her music from my house.

Not that I'd let my 10-year-old daughter watch the VMAs (or that I would either, for that matter), but I'm so glad that I don't have to explain to her why her former favorite singer was behaving like a full out stripper on television.

The train wreck that is Miley Cyrus is complete.

Go hang out with Lady Gaga, Miley. You're done.

..and We're Done.

A couple of days ago, we took a load of books and CDs to Half Price Books to sell as we get ready to "big kidify" the kids' room.  Among the things Kayci put in the bag to get rid of were her Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana CDs.

She thought I'd be upset, but I've actually never been so proud.  Personally, I've been done with Miley for quite awhile now.  I tried to warn her.  I begged an pleaded.  But Miley just wouldn't listen.

Then today I found out that over Thanksgiving, while no one was really paying attention (including me, apparently,) Miley came out in support of the Occupy Wall Street crowd and even dedicated her song "Liberty Walk" to them.  That makes me even more happy that our house is now Miley Cyrus -free.

I've threatened it before, but now it's official.  We're officially done with (that trashy ignorant train wreck) Miley Cyrus.  It's too bad, really.  There was a time when she had so much potential, too...

It was a good run.  We sent a lot  - and I mean a whole friggin' lot - of money her way over the years when Kayci was into Hannah Montana.  But all mediocre things must come to an end, I suppose.  Just like the impending doom of her career.  It says a lot when a little girl who spent years watching and listening to an *cough* actress and *cough, cough* singer is willing to trade in her entire collection for $12.

Let this be a lesson, kids.  When you don't appreciate what you have and choose to throw it all away, don't wonder why people don't want anything to do with you anymore.  At least, not the real 99%.

Speaking of Train Wrecks...

From TMZ:

Miley Cyrus celebrated her 18th birthday by experimenting with a bong and catching a case of the giggles -- but sources say she was not smoking marijuana.

According to a source connected with Miley ... the smoke filling the bong is a natural herb called salvia which has psychedelic qualities. Possession of salvia is legal in California.

So Miley is smoking hallucinogenic herbs out of bongs now? That actually kinda helps explain the last season of Hannah Montana.

Miley's Mom is a Tramp Now, Too

It's not bad enough that Miley Cyrus is slowly turning into a Ke$ha and Christina Aguilera wannabe, but now she's dragging her mom down, too. I wonder who's setting the example for whom...

From UsWeekly:

The reason Miley Cyrus' parents are splitting after 17 years of marriage: Mom Tish had an affair with rocker Bret Michaels, reports the new Us Weekly (on newsstands Wednesday).

When Billy Ray learned of it — as well as at least one other fling — he filed for divorce Oct. 27, sources tell Us Weekly.

Michaels, 47, "became close to the entire family" this past February when he and Miley released the racy duet "Nothing to Lose," an insider tells Us Weekly.

You stay classy, Miley's mom. And Brett Michaels? Seriously? You traded in a '90s reject for an '80s reject?

Miley Cyrus Intervention

Watching the Miley Trainwreck in Slow Motion

From the Washington Post:

If Miley Cyrus's career can be measured in Britney Years, she is now in Phase Two, after the teasing but wholesome debut but before The Era Of K-Fed. With her adolescence and starmaking vehicle "Hannah Montana" both coming to an end, the 17-year-old Cyrus must ready herself for adulthood, and "Can't Be Tamed," her third solo disc, is the declaration of independence that years of "Behind the Music" specials have taught us it must be.

For Grown-Up Miley to live, Teen Pop Miley must die, and her/its demise is explicitly detailed in "Robot," Cyrus's lament about the existential misery of life as a Disney-bot: "I need to breathe/I'm not your robot/Stop telling me I'm part of this big machine/I'm breaking free," she informs her captors.

Free to do what, Cyrus doesn't say, but like any female pop singer from 15 to 45, it must necessarily involve Lady Gaga: "Tamed" has been so thoroughly Gaga-fied, so faux electro-disco-fied, Cyrus seems to have merely traded one overlord for another.

Mark my words: her career is over. First, parents who have watched other pop sensations such as Britney Spears have learned their lesson and aren't going to let their little ones listen to Miley's new stuff because of the dark rabbit hole she seems to be descending down willingly. Next, older kids who grew up on Hannah Montana are reaching the age where they wouldn't be caught dead wearing a Hannah Montana t-shirt or listening to her "kid" music. And guess what, Miley? There ain't no other Hannah. You're it, forever. And your face - solo album or not - will always be associated with Hannah Montana. For better or for worse.

What Miley should be doing is releasing self-produced pop songs, but without the "eff you, I'll show you I'm an adult now and what I'm capable of" edge. It's that particular edge that people - myself included - are having so much trouble swallowing.

But apparently when you're a teenage pop star, it's pretty important for you to run as far away from your wholesome image as possible, take your clothes off and slut it up a little. It's endearing, really and it makes people really respect you for your music and realize you have a lot of talent. Oh, wait. No. Just the opposite, actually.

Farewell, Miley. See you on Celebrity Apprentice in a few years...

An Open Letter to Miley Cyrus

Dear Miley Cyrus,

I have read lately that you want to move on from Hannah Montana. There have been reports that you want to focus on your acting career and your singing career. You've said you think you're ready for "more mature roles."

Miley, I don't know if it's because you're only 16 and don't know any better or if its because you're getting bad advice, but I have three words for you: don't be stupid.

You may be bored with Hannah Montana, but consider this: you will never, ever, ever be as popular as you are right at this moment. You're selling out arenas, selling millions of CDs - both as Hannah Montana and as yourself. You've had two hit movies, both as Hannah Montana. Please don't be deluded into thinking that your current success is because of your musical or acting talent. You're really not that good at either. If it weren't for the Disney promotional machine, you'd still be a novelty act as Billy Ray Cyrus's daughter. I don't think anyone would be paying you much attention just on your merits. I'm not saying that you're not talented. You are. And I'm sure that you'll continue to blossom into quite a performer. But without the Hannah Montana name attached to yours, I don't think your CDs would sell nearly as well. You were very wise to slowly slip your music in to the Hannah Montana CDs. But it's your Hannah Montana buzz that sold Breakout.

You might also want to think about other kid stars who wanted to grow up a little too fast, thinking that their fans would follow them blindly beyond their kids roles that made them famous. Ask Lindsey Lohan. Ask Melissa Joan Hart. Ask Elizabeth Berkely. Ask Hilary Duff. Ask the Olsen Twins. Let's see where Vanessa Hudgens is in five years. And Ashley Tisdale, too. Sure, they generate some buzz for a little while, but pretty soon people realize they don't really like the actor or singer. They really liked the character they played and pretty soon their career is in the toilet.

If you want to know how fleeting fame can be, look no further than your dad. Fifteen years ago, your dad was on top of the world. Then came the fall. No one wanted anything to do with Billy Ray Cyrus for years. People would admit that they had a venereal disease before they would admit that they owned a Billy Ray CD. Seriously. It says nothing of his merits and talent as a songwriter. I happen to like your dad's music. But like pearl snap shirts, you were a loser if you had one. Sure, things come back around (15 years later), but it took his daughter's success to do it.

Miley, as the father of a five-year-old daughter, I want you to know that I mean it when I say that I wish you only success. But please don't be a moron. Millions of little girls idolize you - er, Hannah. On behalf of millions of parents, please, please, please don't become the next Britney Spears or the Next Christina Aguilera. We're waiting on pins and needles, formulating the speech in our heads about how we're going to explain how Hannah Montana could be having a child out of wedlock or has a giant scorpion tattoo across the chest or why she was arrested for heroin addiction or why she's naked in a magazine or ... insert a scenario here. We don't want to have to have that talk. And quit taking pictures in your bra, for God's sake.

You've only been Hannah Montana for three years. Let that sink in. Three years. What I'm trying to say is to enjoy it while it lasts. Sure, all good things must come to an end. But it's not that time yet. You get your little arse back out there, put on that wig and you sing your heart out. Don't act like a spoiled brat and don't act like you're entitled to anything. And don't be surprised when your fans turn on you when you act stupid. That's not only show business - that's business. Please grow into a talented performer, nay, country singer. They seem to have it more together than pop stars.

And while I'm at it, thank you for making my daughter and millions of others like her so happy. They do truly look up to you and enjoy everything you do. It's a huge burden - one which I wouldn't want. But the burden is yours. Enjoy it and relish it. You've got a climb in front of you, but it will be a climb down from the top. See you on a reality show in ten years or so.