Watching the Miley Trainwreck in Slow Motion

From the Washington Post:

If Miley Cyrus's career can be measured in Britney Years, she is now in Phase Two, after the teasing but wholesome debut but before The Era Of K-Fed. With her adolescence and starmaking vehicle "Hannah Montana" both coming to an end, the 17-year-old Cyrus must ready herself for adulthood, and "Can't Be Tamed," her third solo disc, is the declaration of independence that years of "Behind the Music" specials have taught us it must be.

For Grown-Up Miley to live, Teen Pop Miley must die, and her/its demise is explicitly detailed in "Robot," Cyrus's lament about the existential misery of life as a Disney-bot: "I need to breathe/I'm not your robot/Stop telling me I'm part of this big machine/I'm breaking free," she informs her captors.

Free to do what, Cyrus doesn't say, but like any female pop singer from 15 to 45, it must necessarily involve Lady Gaga: "Tamed" has been so thoroughly Gaga-fied, so faux electro-disco-fied, Cyrus seems to have merely traded one overlord for another.

Mark my words: her career is over. First, parents who have watched other pop sensations such as Britney Spears have learned their lesson and aren't going to let their little ones listen to Miley's new stuff because of the dark rabbit hole she seems to be descending down willingly. Next, older kids who grew up on Hannah Montana are reaching the age where they wouldn't be caught dead wearing a Hannah Montana t-shirt or listening to her "kid" music. And guess what, Miley? There ain't no other Hannah. You're it, forever. And your face - solo album or not - will always be associated with Hannah Montana. For better or for worse.

What Miley should be doing is releasing self-produced pop songs, but without the "eff you, I'll show you I'm an adult now and what I'm capable of" edge. It's that particular edge that people - myself included - are having so much trouble swallowing.

But apparently when you're a teenage pop star, it's pretty important for you to run as far away from your wholesome image as possible, take your clothes off and slut it up a little. It's endearing, really and it makes people really respect you for your music and realize you have a lot of talent. Oh, wait. No. Just the opposite, actually.

Farewell, Miley. See you on Celebrity Apprentice in a few years...