Saturday, February 28, 2009

More evidence that Clint Eastwood is, in fact, the Man.

From Yahoo News:

Eastwood thinks political correctness has made society humourless

Fri, Feb 27 01:15 PM
London, February 27 (ANI): Acting legend Clint Eastwood , 79, apparently believes that political correctness has rendered modern society humourless, for he accuses younger generations of spending too much time trying to avoid being offensive.

The Dirty Harry star insists that he should be able to tell harmless jokes about nationality without fearing that people may brand him "a racist".

"People have lost their sense of humour. In former times we constantly made jokes about different races. You can only tell them today with one hand over your mouth or you will be insulted as a racist," the Daily Express quoted him as saying.

"I find that ridiculous. In those earlier days every friendly clique had a 'Sam the Jew' or 'Jose the Mexican' - but we didn't think anything of it or have a racist thought. It was just normal that we made jokes based on our nationality or ethnicity. That was never a problem. I don't want to be politically correct.

We're all spending too much time and energy trying to be politically correct about everything," he added. (ANI)

I agree completely.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

History of Home Values

Shamelessly lifetd from

How you know a movie is horrible...

On my lunch today I dropped by Higgins Branch, our local resale shop in Brenham, to drop off some items that we wanted to donate. Sitting in the dropoff lane was a bin full of movies, and on top, this is what I saw:

"Don't Mess with the Zohan came out in theaters last summer and came out on DVD around Christmas. And it's now playing in resale shops across America.

I'm surprised that "Date Movie" and "Art School Confidential" weren't in the bin right beside it.

Cmd-Z: Tropicana is reverting to their previous product packaging

from AdvertisingAge.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Another post about a different kind of pork.

Now this is simply ridiculous. Here we are on the verge of a depression and the collapse of the stock market. People are losing their jobs, people are losing their homes because they can't pay their mortgages (a rant for another time, I fear...), and there's talk of raising taxes. The country is hemorrhaging money like crazy and we're all going to be expected to do more with less in our personal lives and at work.

And there's the effing Congress. This article was taken from regarding the "stimulus" package:

To pork, or not to pork

February 25, 2009 - 12:00 ET

1,000-plus-page spending bill includes hundreds of pages of earmarks - pet spending projects inserted by lawmakers, ranging from:

$185,000 for coral reef research and preservation in Maui County, Hawaii

$55,000 in meteorological equipment for Pierce College in Woodland Hills, Calif.

$9.9 million for science enhancement at historically black colleges in South Carolina.

In addition to the basic operations of government, the new budget includes 775 pages of earmarks, funding programs that include local museums, colleges and infrastructure projects.

Among the earmarked projects in the bill are $764,000 for the Lake George Watershed Protection Initiative in New York, requested by Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, New York

$9.9 million for South Carolina's historically black colleges and universities, requested by House Majority Whip James E. Clyburn, South Carolina Democrat;

$1.1 million requested by Senate Republican Conference Chairman Lamar Alexander and Sen. Bob Corker, both of Tennessee, for water treatment plant improvements in Tennessee's Unicoi County, as well as $300,000 for a sewer extension project in another county.

Examples of Earmarks in the Omnibus

$713,625 Woody Biomass at SUNY-ESF. Walsh and Schumer sponsors

$951,500 Sustainable Las Vegas. Berkeley and Reid sponsors.

$24,000 A+ for Abstinence. Specter is sponsor.

$300,000 Montana World Trade Center. Rehberg sponsor.

$950,000 Myrtle Beach International Trade and Convention Center. Graham sponsor.

$200,000 Oil Region Alliance. Peterson sponsor.

$190,000 Buffalo Bill Historical Center, Cody, WY for digitizing and editing the Cody collection. Barbara Cubin is the sponsor

$143,000 Las Vegas Natural History Museum, Las Vegas, NV, to expand natural history education programs. Sponsored by Harry Reid

$238,000 for the Polynesian Voyaging Society, Honolulu, HI, for educational programs. Sen. Daniel Inouye is the sponsor.

$381,000 for Jazz at Lincoln Center, New York, NY for music education programs. Jerrold Nadler is the sponsor.

Rep. Jerry Lewis of California, the top Republican on the House Appropriations Committee, would spend $3.8 million on a Needles, Calif., highway.

Sen. Thad Cochran of Mississippi, the top Republican on Senate Appropriations, backs earmarks including a $950,000 nature education center in Moss Point, Miss. He defends earmarks.

I was just talking to my friend, Matt, and he was telling me that he heard someone from the Middle East say that the difference between Republicans and Democrats is the difference between Coke and Pepsi. Unfortunately, with a few exceptions, that seems to be true. 99.9% of them are all greedy, self-serving assholes who are willing to betray our country in one of its darkest hours.

Mexican Coke

I'm always just a little ahead of the curve, folks. Well, I'm ahead of the Houston Chronicle, anyway (which isn't all that hard to do, frankly.)

After my ode to real sugar in soft drinks a few days ago, the Chronicle ran this story about "Mexican Coke," or Coke made with real sugar instead of high fructose corn death.

I'm glad they shone some light on the issue. I just wish they would quit using my blog for story ideas.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Happy Birthday, Steve.

Happy Birthday today to Steven P. Jobs.

Friday, February 20, 2009

The national ID card

Who says we don't already have a national ID card? This sign was posted at Academy when I got my fishing license renewed a few weeks ago.

When social security was unleashed upon the world in the 1930s, the card specifically stated that it was not to be used as an identification card. That language was removed in the '80s because everyone was ignoring it and using it as an ID number anyway.

But would someone please tell me what social security has to do with fishing??? Geez.

My new slogan

I have a new slogan: "Relax. Obama's gonna take care of it."

Shirts for order at $25 apiece.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The world is about to get a little bit more throwbacky

Everyone who knows me - and anyone in earshot- has heard me rave like a freaking madman about how wonderful Dr. Pepper made with real sugar is. It's been available at a few places here in Brenham for years, but it seems to be popping up more and more places lately, such as Wal-Mart and HEB. It's light years better than that corn syrup crap. And I thought it couldn't get any better.

Until today.

Pepsi and Mountain Dew will soon (in mid-April, apparently) be made with real sugar, also.

Stop. Think of the ramifications. Calm down a little. Let the heart rate settle... Change your underpants if necessary.

Real. Sugary. Goodness. Mmmmmmm. I am SO pumped about this. I've long said that soft drinks just don't taste as good as they did when I was little. And it's all because of the sugar. In the mid-'80s, corn syrup replaced sugar as the sweetener in soft drinks and things just haven't been the same since. And when Pepsi moved from a steel can to an aluminum one, well, I died a little inside.

I'm really excited that I can finally share a Pepsi or a Mountain Dew with my kids the way they were intended to be enjoyed. With real sugary goodness. Now if only Coke would make a formula with real sugar... Don't worry. I suspect they'll be on the bandwagon soon.

Pigs are filthy animals

I'm not Jewish or Muslim,but between these two clips, I think I may be done with pork. The sad thing is that I'm not sure which is actually more persuasive...

Friday, February 13, 2009

A quick look at the stimulus bill

By the time you read this, chances are the damn thing will already be passed. Ridiculous.

28 Rules for a Gunfight

Drill Sergeant Joe B. Fricks Rules For A Gunfight

1. Forget about knives, bats and fists. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns. Bring four times the ammunition you think you could ever need. 

2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammunition is cheap - life is expensive. If you shoot inside, buckshot is your friend. A new wall is cheap - funerals are expensive 

3. Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough or using cover correctly. 

5. Move away from your attacker and go to cover. Distance is your friend. (Bulletproof cover and diagonal or lateral movement are preferred.) 

6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a semi or full-automatic long gun and a friend with a long gun. 

7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived. 

8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running. Yell "Fire!" Why "Fire"? Cops will come with the Fire Department, sirens often scare off the bad guys, or at least cause then to lose concentration and will.... and who is going to summon help if you yell "Intruder," "Glock" or "Winchester?" 

9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun. 

10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty. 

11. Stretch the rules. Always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. 

12. Have a plan. 

13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work. "No battle plan ever survives 10 seconds past first contact with an enemy." 

14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible, but remember, sheetrock walls and the like stop nothing but your pulse when bullets tear through them.

15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours. 

16. Don't drop your guard. 

17. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees. Practice reloading one-handed and off-hand shooting. That's how you live if hit in your "good" side. 

18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. Smiles, frowns and other facial expressions don't (In God we trust. Everyone else keep your hands where I can see them.) 

19. Decide NOW to always be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH. 

20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get. 

21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet if necessary, because they may want to kill you. 

22. Be courteous to everyone, overly friendly to no one. 

23. Your number one option for personal security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation. 

24. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with anything smaller than "4". 

25. Use a gun that works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel blows the powder from the flintlock of your musket." At a practice session, throw you gun into the mud, then make sure it still works. You can clean it later. 

26. Practice shooting in the dark, with someone shouting at you, when out of breath, etc. 

27. Regardless of whether justified of not, you will feel sad about killing another human being. It is better to be sad than to be room temperature. 

28. The only thing you EVER say afterwards is, "He said he was going to kill me. I believed him. I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm very upset now. I can't say anything more. Please speak with my attorney." 

(from Field and Stream)

PROOF: Russians invented break dancing

Vintage Russian dancers set to modern hip-hop. Oddly entertaining. I wish I knew how to do some of these moves when I was a mascot.


Last Saturday morning I got up really early to go down to Houston to be with Kristi and the kids for the weekend.  They were sharing a hotel room with Kristi's mom while her dad is in the hospital.  I left really early to try to be there around the time they got up to surprise them.

Just about he time I got there, I got a text from Kristi saying "good morning."  I pulled into the hotel parking lot, went inside and sat in the lobby and called her back, pretending to have just woken up.  I said "I wish I could just be there."  I told her I'd see her soon and we hung up.  Then I went down the hall and knocked on the door, very happy with myself for my clever choice of words and for my surprise.

"Who is it?"

"Housekeeping!" I said in a high pitched voice like the one that houskeeping ladies use when they knock on your door.

"Can you come back later?"

"No, open door please."

"Excuse me?"

"Open door please."

"Look, you'll have to come back later."

 "Just open door please!"

Then silence.  Inside, I heard Kristi saying in a hushed tone, "yes, there's someone at my door and they won't go away.  Can you send someone down here...."

That's when I broke with the housekeeping voice and said, "Girl-- it's me!"

"Oh.  Nevermind, sir.  It's my husband.  Thank you."

Kristi opened the door and said "you scared me!  There was a guy arrested yesterday for banging on people's doors!"

How was I supposed to know such a random thing like that?  

But the moral of the story is: if you plan on surprising your wife first thing Saturday morning, expect to have the cops called on you.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

RIP: The Starbucks brand

As if stooping to the level of McDonald's and offering a value menu wasn't enough, it seems that Starbuck is poised to further shoot themselves in the foot and undermine their brand:
Starbucks will begin testing the soluble coffee -- a term that conjures up images of instant brands such as Folgers, Sanka and Brim -- by selling it in Starbucks cafes as early as next month. It's unclear as yet whether the company will also extend the product to supermarkets, where it already has a presence with ground Starbucks-branded coffee.

I know that times are tough, but the way to see through tough times is to cling steadfastly to what makes your brand yours.  Value coffee and instant Starbucks doesn't offer the Starbucks experience and won't be seen as a status symbol.