My new slogan

I have a new slogan: "Relax. Obama's gonna take care of it."

Shirts for order at $25 apiece.

The world is about to get a little bit more throwbacky

Everyone who knows me - and anyone in earshot- has heard me rave like a freaking madman about how wonderful Dr. Pepper made with real sugar is. It's been available at a few places here in Brenham for years, but it seems to be popping up more and more places lately, such as Wal-Mart and HEB. It's light years better than that corn syrup crap. And I thought it couldn't get any better.

Until today.

Pepsi and Mountain Dew will soon (in mid-April, apparently) be made with real sugar, also.

Stop. Think of the ramifications. Calm down a little. Let the heart rate settle... Change your underpants if necessary.

Real. Sugary. Goodness. Mmmmmmm. I am SO pumped about this. I've long said that soft drinks just don't taste as good as they did when I was little. And it's all because of the sugar. In the mid-'80s, corn syrup replaced sugar as the sweetener in soft drinks and things just haven't been the same since. And when Pepsi moved from a steel can to an aluminum one, well, I died a little inside.

I'm really excited that I can finally share a Pepsi or a Mountain Dew with my kids the way they were intended to be enjoyed. With real sugary goodness. Now if only Coke would make a formula with real sugar... Don't worry. I suspect they'll be on the bandwagon soon.

Pigs are filthy animals

I'm not Jewish or Muslim,but between these two clips, I think I may be done with pork. The sad thing is that I'm not sure which is actually more persuasive...

A quick look at the stimulus bill

By the time you read this, chances are the damn thing will already be passed. Ridiculous.

28 Rules for a Gunfight

Drill Sergeant Joe B. Fricks Rules For A Gunfight

1. Forget about knives, bats and fists. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns. Bring four times the ammunition you think you could ever need. 
 


2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammunition is cheap - life is expensive. If you shoot inside, buckshot is your friend. A new wall is cheap - funerals are expensive 
 


3. Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough or using cover correctly. 
 


5. Move away from your attacker and go to cover. Distance is your friend. (Bulletproof cover and diagonal or lateral movement are preferred.) 
 


6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a semi or full-automatic long gun and a friend with a long gun. 
 


7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived. 
 


8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running. Yell "Fire!" Why "Fire"? Cops will come with the Fire Department, sirens often scare off the bad guys, or at least cause then to lose concentration and will.... and who is going to summon help if you yell "Intruder," "Glock" or "Winchester?" 
 


9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun. 
 


10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty. 
 


11. Stretch the rules. Always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. 
 


12. Have a plan. 
 


13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work. "No battle plan ever survives 10 seconds past first contact with an enemy." 
 


14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible, but remember, sheetrock walls and the like stop nothing but your pulse when bullets tear through them.

15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours. 
 


16. Don't drop your guard. 
 


17. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees. Practice reloading one-handed and off-hand shooting. That's how you live if hit in your "good" side. 


18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. Smiles, frowns and other facial expressions don't (In God we trust. Everyone else keep your hands where I can see them.) 
 


19. Decide NOW to always be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH. 
 


20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get. 
 


21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet if necessary, because they may want to kill you. 
 


22. Be courteous to everyone, overly friendly to no one. 
 


23. Your number one option for personal security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation. 
 


24. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with anything smaller than "4". 
 


25. Use a gun that works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel blows the powder from the flintlock of your musket." At a practice session, throw you gun into the mud, then make sure it still works. You can clean it later. 
 


26. Practice shooting in the dark, with someone shouting at you, when out of breath, etc. 
 


27. Regardless of whether justified of not, you will feel sad about killing another human being. It is better to be sad than to be room temperature. 
 


28. The only thing you EVER say afterwards is, "He said he was going to kill me. I believed him. I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm very upset now. I can't say anything more. Please speak with my attorney." 


(from Field and Stream)

PROOF: Russians invented break dancing

Vintage Russian dancers set to modern hip-hop. Oddly entertaining. I wish I knew how to do some of these moves when I was a mascot.

Housekeeping!

Last Saturday morning I got up really early to go down to Houston to be with Kristi and the kids for the weekend.  They were sharing a hotel room with Kristi's mom while her dad is in the hospital.  I left really early to try to be there around the time they got up to surprise them.

Just about he time I got there, I got a text from Kristi saying "good morning."  I pulled into the hotel parking lot, went inside and sat in the lobby and called her back, pretending to have just woken up.  I said "I wish I could just be there."  I told her I'd see her soon and we hung up.  Then I went down the hall and knocked on the door, very happy with myself for my clever choice of words and for my surprise.

"Who is it?"

"Housekeeping!" I said in a high pitched voice like the one that houskeeping ladies use when they knock on your door.

"Can you come back later?"

"No, open door please."

"Excuse me?"

"Open door please."

"Look, you'll have to come back later."

 "Just open door please!"

Then silence.  Inside, I heard Kristi saying in a hushed tone, "yes, there's someone at my door and they won't go away.  Can you send someone down here...."

That's when I broke with the housekeeping voice and said, "Girl-- it's me!"

"Oh.  Nevermind, sir.  It's my husband.  Thank you."

Kristi opened the door and said "you scared me!  There was a guy arrested yesterday for banging on people's doors!"

How was I supposed to know such a random thing like that?  

But the moral of the story is: if you plan on surprising your wife first thing Saturday morning, expect to have the cops called on you.

RIP: The Starbucks brand

As if stooping to the level of McDonald's and offering a value menu wasn't enough, it seems that Starbuck is poised to further shoot themselves in the foot and undermine their brand:

Starbucks will begin testing the soluble coffee -- a term that conjures up images of instant brands such as Folgers, Sanka and Brim -- by selling it in Starbucks cafes as early as next month. It's unclear as yet whether the company will also extend the product to supermarkets, where it already has a presence with ground Starbucks-branded coffee.

I know that times are tough, but the way to see through tough times is to cling steadfastly to what makes your brand yours.  Value coffee and instant Starbucks doesn't offer the Starbucks experience and won't be seen as a status symbol.  

Pathetic.

story from "Starbuck Poised to Launch 'Soluble' Coffee"

Seen at McDonalds

There's nothing like laying down the law at McDonalds...  Photographed at the McDonalds here in Brenham.

Happy fishing day!

So, I get a call last night from Janet. She said that Tim has been watching the weather and thinks that we should plan our trip to the missions at Goliad on Sunday instead of today. There might be a front coming in Sunday, so he wanted to make sure we didn't waste any fishing time with any of that historical crap.

That's what I love about Tim.

Fishing!

We're leaving tomorrow to go fishing with Tim before his surgery. I cannot express how absolutely pumped I am about that. I really miss when he and I used to go fishing almost every weekend. That was way before kids, of course. I'm looking forward to a couple of days of nothing but BSing with the guys on the boat. And hopefully catching some fish. But it's me, so I'm not counting on it.

I'll have a good time regardless. I always do.

Happy Inauguration Day, Morons

Well, it's finally here - inauguration day. It seems like it's been FOREVER since the election. And now all the speculation can finally end and we all get to see what His Majesty Obama the Most High is going to do as president.

I, for one, am glad today is finally here. I'm already sick of hearing all the ovations to this guy. I say let's give him 9 months in office and then see if he deserves all the accolades. I think we're all going to find out really quickly what a big mistake our country has made by electing someone that we know nothing about based on slick marketing and the color of his skin, rather than the content of his character and the quality of his ideas.

People are still treating Obama like the Messiah, but I fear that given his dubious rise to power, the exact opposite may have more truth.

It's going to be a long four years, folks. Pray.